Sparks of Light

Self doubt and fear - our teachers

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I wrote a blog the other day, and at first the writing flowed – a theme close to my heart – words coming to me as I wrote, job done.  Or so you’d think…………

 

Of course once the words were committed to paper and I began to read what I’d written, doubt started to creep in.

 

What am I writing this for?

Is there any point?

Will it make any sense?

Is it too weird?

Is this the right theme to write about?

It’s probably been said by lots of others and in a better way.

I’m wasting my time, it’s rubbish

I really don’t want anyone to read this anyway

I can’t write (sigh)

Why did I start this?

What's the point of anything?!

 

Yes well, can you see where all this is going?!  It’s a downward spiral into a deep pit of despair….and a sense of failure…..self worth plummets.............

 

Do you do this too?

 

What if I said this thinking is all made up?

 

It’s just thought  - wonky thinking I don’t need to take seriously.

 

We have thousands of thoughts every day and we have no control over what comes in. Some we pay attention to and others drift by unnoticed. Well I was paying a little too much attention to my thoughts on this occasion and made up a story about being afraid to let people read what I’d written and experiencing doubt that I could write at all and what a waste of time expressing myself was.

ALL. MADE. UP.

 

False Evidence Appearing Real.

 

Yes, it felt scary for a while there! (And it will happen again and again)

 

Thankfully once I could see what a negative experience I was creating for myself, (took a while!),  I laughed at my innocence, at falling for this colossal lie and remembered, like everyone else, I’m human and simply forgot that we all take our thoughts seriously from time to time and it’s time for us to give ourselves a break and not spend so much time and energy in believing each and every one of them.

 

Self doubt and fear are natural emotions we experience particularly when we go outside of our comfort zone.  For me, this is expressing myself openly and not hiding away (my preferred option!).  Now, I'm moving into a position of 'feel the fear and do it anyway' (to coin a well worn phrase!) taking my thinking less seriously and moving forward anyway to areas I am drawn to, simply to see what happens.

 

I don't see self doubt and fear as the enemy, perhaps more of a misguided friend who thinks they are helping by trying to keep me safe but in the grand scheme of life, doesn't serve me very well and can persuade me to act in a more inhibited way.

 

So as part of my own self care I recognise that thoughts are just thoughts - neutral and ebbing and flowing in life - all part of our humanness - so let's embrace what shows up for us and make the most of life's mysteries on our journey through life.

Sxx